- Bomb Texas for freedom -

“I’m getting too old for this shit” has been a phrase of mine for a while.  It wasn’t until last week that it came true.

One thing I’m thinking I’m too old for is NY.  Although I have no intentions of leaving any time soon, I’m definitely getting sick of it again.

So since I haven’t posted anything in a while, I decided to make my top ten things I hate about NYC.

10. Chinatown - It smells.  If you’re a neighborhood, that can definitively be called the stinkiest neighborhood in NYC it says a lot.  Plus the food, people wonder why it’s so cheap there.  I can give a few theories, and all of them aren’t on the positive side.

9. The MTA - I know everyone hates the MTA, and the subways for one reason or another.  But I really, really, really hate those pricks.  First they have a huge budget surplus so they have to raise the fares, and then they go on strike because their workers are complaining that they aren’t making enough (as if having some of the best benefits, and salaries of all city workers isn’t enough).  It’s not like any of them have to do their jobs.  Don’t believe me?  Look how filthy the subway stations are, ask a token booth guy for directions or help, try taking the F train in the rain.  Fuck them!

8. Firemen - They act like they’re so tough and hot shit until one of them dies.  Then it comes on like it’s a complete surprise “oh well we didn’t know running into a building burning that was run by a slum lord could potentially be unsafe, how were we to know?”  Common sense, assholes.  Don’t get me started on their complaining post 9/11.  I would like to start a petition to change NYC Firemen from our Bravest to NYCs Bitchiest.

7. 9/11 Families - Can we PLEASE just build a damn plaque already!

6. Staten Island, and everyone in it - I heard that the only reason Staten Island was a borough was because NYC won a boat race for it.

Nice going.

As a result we have this quasi NJ that’s hanging off of the Verrazano like a fucking neck tag or something.  Where else can I go to a hot topic in a mall that’s built on a garbage dump for an over priced Ramones shirt only to have some racist guido, giggling on his cell phone to gina, about being made as soon as he graduates high school.

Staten Island, that’s where.

5. Starbucks - Is there a single block in Manhattan that doesn’t have one?

4. Artists - This also includes hipsters.  You aren’t great, your art isn’t new or exciting, and your band sucks.  If you still are going to be sponging off the rents at 32, you might as well move back home to the midwest.

3. Homeless - I hate to hate them.  I think it’s cruel and mean to hate these guys.  I wouldn’t like it if some guy blogs about hating me when I’m down on my luck either, but it has to be said.

I hate them.

I hate when I say no they keep bothering me.

I hate when they try telling me jokes then asking me for money.

I hate when they are singing (horribly) on subway platforms and trains.

I hate when they wig out and start screaming at a window or something.

I hate when they ask for food, and I see a flask of something hanging out of their pocket.

I hate it when they talk down to me as I’m just walking by. (I’m not the one that’s asking for dime to get me by here pal, fuck you!)

I hate the fake charities they set up.

I hate when they try to open the door for me so they can try and collect cash.

I hate when they ask “can I have a dollar?”, I say no, “Can I have five?”

I hate when they set up shop in a Starbucks or something, then ask every person around them for money.
I don’t know if it’s possible, but can we give out special licenses for being a bum?  Give them auditions or something?

2. Rich people - There is only so many of you guys, and a lot more of us.  We will bring rent prices down, one way or another.

1. You - If I want to go to the movies at Bryant park you pack it beyond capacity.  If I’m walking down the street you stop in the middle of the sidewalk and block everyone else.  You have retarded conversations on your cellphone as you’re walking your trendy dog, if I’m ordering food, you’re being pickier than an old woman to the poor counter guy.

You all suck.