- Bomb Texas for freedom -

Dear Burgians;

I know some of you are reading this because the phrases “Hipster Jackass”, “Fucking Hipsters”, “Williamsburg Douchebags”, “Cocksmoking, spoiled, trustfund brats” are coming up quite a bit in this site’s stats. I can only assume it’s you guys looking for yourselves with those phrases only to be ironic.

I know you fucktards (whoops sorry force of habit), I mean talentless (shit sorry), umm TALENTED clones (dammit I was close that time), slightly creative insightful fuc—- (whew!) people. Love your adopted home, and I can see why.

But here’s the deal, I’ve been looking for a home there for the past two weeks, and I’ve been dealing with realtors flakier than a bowl of raisin bran. God knows I loves me some raisin bran, but I’ve been away from my real home, my birthplace for slightly too long.

Now I am aware that some of you that have followed the site knows I am actually from south brooklyn, I was born in coney island, lived in gerritson beach, and lived in Bensonhurst. I know I should want to move back to my roots.

But I don’t, mainly because Gerritson Beach is a literal cesspool, I’m not interested in dealing with the russian mob anymore in Bensonhurst, also I’m not welcome in several neighborhoods in that area. Also I have friends in your direction, and if I don’t hang out with them, at least it won’t be too tough to make new ones there.

Also I know I could move into other neighborhoods such as Bushwick. I know I can get an extremely phat place in Bushwick for almost half the money as I would get in the burg. However this leads into another issue, they are fighting against gentrification with force. I admire any neighborhood that is willing to do that. So much so, I am willing to leave them be, and forget entirely that I ever thought of moving to a beautiful loft apartment with a roof deck and jacuzzi tub.
Anyway Williamsburg, I only have so much patience and sanity left, and you can ask the people who know me that live in your utopia that realistically I really am crazy as all fuck. Sometimes I black out and I wake up covered in blood. That’s only if I’m off my meds.

I’m running out of them too.

So if one of you dicks don’t abdicate your nice one bedroom apartment with exposed brick, and hardwood floors, I will be forced to abdicate it for you with a baseball bat.

It’s your choice.  Make it soon.