- Bomb Texas for freedom -

(continued from A previous post)

Marie, my newfound friend traced her finger up my chin and gave me a small peck on the lips. She then took me by my tie like a leash and led me to another room.

The room she lead me to was lit only by several oil lamps, which made the graffiti laced walls dance in the shadows. This room was mostly barren in the way of furniture, except for an antique day bed. She pushed me down onto the bed and straddled me.

She licked my neck and pushed her heaving bosom into my chest. She pressed her nose against mine so I would stare at her intoxicating eyes. “I have read your blog, I know you better than you know yourself. I know you are the only man to satisfy me.”

“Uhh”

She then pressed a controller into my hand, “First kill me than we make love.”

“Uhh, God I never thought I would say this. But before the killing and the fucking, could I know more about you, this place? What kind of underground movement is this exactly?” I said as she was chewing my lip. She smiled, and stroked my hair.

“Of course” she said. “This place is our hideout, of course you know that Chinatown, is one of the oldest neighborhoods in the city, there are catacombs and tunnels here that lead throughout the entire borough. They suit our purposes, we can move secretly and never be found by your police.”

“I am their leader. I created this group, and we fight for the gamer, the oppressed one in society”

She got off of me (to my dismay) and lit a cigarette. After taking a full drag she continued, “We feel the media unjustly paints the gamer with the same brush as a cosplayer.”

“Yeah cosplayers do suck.”

“So we fight them, by freeing games to the public! By doing this they know we are a force to be dealt with!”

Another underground member walked in at that point and carted in a tv with an xbox. He set it up in the middle of the room, and another member walked in with pizza and beer.

“Some Américain gaming customs suit me monsieur mylo” She said.

“Do you also play strip GTA?”

“But of course,” she purred, “now we play.”

The xbox was turned on, and the usual loading screens came on and there it was the opening screens for the game of the year. We chose co-op mode, so I can see what the campaign is all about.

The game began as I thought it would. Master chief flying his way back to earth after the destruction of the halo, except something was wrong. Really wrong.

It pained me to see it and I almost wept outright in mourning. Master Chief had an apron on, and baking cookies on an ez-bake oven.

He made comment to Cortana, about how he made the best peanut butter cookies on that side of reach.

The Covenant came on the ship on that point and held Master Chief at gunpoint. He ripped the apron off, and then began to dance. The game gave me control at that point and I had to defeat the Elites in a dance-dance revolution style game.

I got sick of it at that point and I threw the controller in disgust.

“What is wrong?” She asked.

“What the fuck happened? Who made this game, Sega?” I took her cigarettes and pulled out my flask. “Three fucking years of hope gone.” I took a hard swallow, and leaned back on the day bed.”

“Je suis désolé mon amour” She stroked my hair again.

“hunh?”

“I’m sorry. Maybe the game will be better later on non?” She smiled, and took my cigarette and gave it a puff. “Come we try again.”

She turned it on to a later level. This one master chief was surrounded on top of a mountain, he was fully loaded with guns and grenades. You saw a small squad of elites come up the main mountain pass and there was a jump ship of sorts moving in more troops.

This is what I was expecting.

I was about to set up a Killzone so I can gun down the squad and escape until a unicorn with wings came flying through on a rainbow trail. He tossed me the SAME FUCKING COOKIES THAT HE WAS BAKING EARLIER!!! He called out “Make Peace Master Chief they might have something in common!”

Sure enough the game gave me control and the badass guns I had were now gone and I was armed with a basket of cookies.

I hit the fire button and it tossed a cookie to an elite. He ate it and gave master chief a hug. They began braiding each other’s hair and talked about boys.

“I don’t think it’s getting any better.” I told Marie, she switched levels again. This time Chief was at a petting zoo holding hands with Sergeant Johnson.

She switched again, Master Chief was on a couch watching when Harry Met Sally and eating Hagan Daaz ice cream, and crying. “Ok one more time, if it sucks I’m giving it up.”

She switched again, he was at Lilith Fair with dreadlocks and a nose piercing. He was singing along to Melissa Ethridge. “Ok turn it off.” I said

“You no like?”

“I hate.” I said

“Well I like it.”

“You’re a girl, that’s why.”

“I love you, does that make me weak?”
“No it makes you a fool.”

“You would kiss a fool?”

I thought for a second about joining this underground and taking this fallen angel as my lover. I thought about the adventures, and hours of video games and mind-blowing sex. I couldn’t my life is above ground, but I never had a problem kissing a fool. Even though Halo 2 sucks.