Life is suicide
I don’t remember if I ever posted with that title before. Don’t care.
I can’t sleep anymore, if I do it’s a very deep sleep that I can barely wake up out of. It’s riddled with nightmares about my teeth or dead relatives.
I tried everything I can think of minus sleeping pills. I don’t like taking those. I don’t know if it’s because I’m scared of this apartment lately, the lack of job is bothering me more than I can think of. I don’t know, maybe because things are falling apart like my stereo and I’m hearing a constant screaming in my head.
No it’s not telling me to kill, no it’s not psychosis either. It’s cause I just want to scream and punch and kick with frustration, and I know I can’t because I’ll break stuff I need. Then I feel shallow and materialistic and that pisses me off too.
I think too much for my own good. I think about loss, and fuck ups. I think about saviors and question why with everything. I’m going to try music to put me to sleep.
I hate this place, and I miss feeling safe.
